Headache

“Headache” aka ___ (redacted).
Either born March 3 2002, December 22 1993, or February 4 1999.
Six Foot Three.
89 Kilograms.
Hair: brown.
Eyes: blue.
Ethnicity: unknown.
Religious beliefs: unknown.
Employment: unknown.
Current whereabouts: right behind you ;)

Some more facts about Headache:
It is rare that a day goes by where Headache does not either lose his mind or lose a lot of money, and Headache is always unable to say how either happened. Headache loves gymnastics, especially the mental kind. Headache can spend up to ten hours staring at a wall, as long as it is painted white. Headache has been described by people as “the most charming person in the world”, “a total freak loser” and “extremely mediocre”. Headache has many friends, although most of them are children, the elderly or the insane. Headache is very popular among children, the elderly and the insane. Photos of Headache have been used by media organisations as examples of what not to do in certain social situations. Headache is here for you. Headache would like to brighten your day, today. Headache would like you to know how much it would mean to them if you liked them.